[Gemini]

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On life and Religion

10:03 PM

Amar jibon niye khub beshi complaints nai. Just that once in a while I get tired of all the nuttiness of it. Majhe majhe ekta shanto shishto jibon khub miss kori. My life has anything but ordinary. Sometimes I miss the ordinary. Ami nije onek ordinary ekta manush..eto extra-ordinariness niye majhe majhe bujhi na kemne cholbo. Majhe majhe mone hoy amar ashe pasher manushder ami onek hotash korechi for not being some extra-ordinary human being they expected me to be.

Amar asholei mone hoy am at the wrong place, at the wrong time with usually the wrong people. Eishob amar jonno na, ar ami eshober jonno nah. Amar jonmano uchit chilo either in the 1800s or somewhere in the future. Ekhane ami atke gechhi. Eshober kichui amar jonno nah. Boro misfit laage nijeke. Emonki amar nijer bariteo. Ami na amar babar moto, na amar maaer moto. Ami kar moto ami jani nah. Dujoner karo motoi hoyni. Amar siblings der shatheo amar khub beshi meel nei. Ami amar moto. Na ektuu meel acche. Ora artistic. Kintu personality-wise am pretty much the blacksheep. I wouldn't lie and I say that it bothers me to no end. It usually doesn't. Gotten kinda used to it. Tobuo majhe majhe mone hoy amake erokom alada bhabe toiri kora hoyeche keno? Purpose ta ki? Not someone "special" or anything...but a bit different...

Besh kichu bochhor aage world religion class niyechilam. Different cultures, religion, manush..eshober upor amar onek agroho. I wanted to learn about different religions. Buddhism porar shomoye koekta kotha mathay gethe giyechilo. Goutam Buddha bole gechhen "Attachment causes suffering".Kotha ta onek shotti. Onek gobhir bhabe shotti. Er aage kokhono bhabini ami eta niye. Ami majhe majhe onek kichu niye bhabi. Boro boro bishoy na...choto choto bishoy. Boro boro bishoy niye bhabar jonne to onek boro boro manush achhen. Goutam Buddha'r ei kotha ta amake onek bhabalo. Asholei to. Attachment thaklei to dukkho. Amar kono kichur proti attachment thakle jokhon shetar kono khoti hobe, amar to koshto laagbe. Tar chaiteo beshi lagbe attachment ta jodi kono manusher proti thake. Anyone. Ami erokom koshter onek bar bhuktobhogi. Ekhono bhugi..manush je ami. Ar manush maatrei kono kichur proti attachment thakbei taar. Ami to tar urdhe noy.

Arekta kotha chilo. "Desire causes suffering". I can honestly say this has changed me somewhat. Ever since I read it and reflected upon it...ami onek kom materialistic hoye gechhi. Aageo je khub chhilam tai noy kintu bhebe dekhechi manush tar jibone ja ja korte chae..choto boro jai hok..tar onek tai hocche onner jonno. Tar jibone khub kom jinish ei thake ja shey kore kebol matro nijer jonne. Onek shomoy manush biye kore shongshar o kore onner karone. Ami pari na erokom lok dekhano jibon mene nite...parbo o nah. This is the thing I mostly get into trouble for.

Buddhism in a way have changed me. So did Islam. I'm not a really religious person as it can be visible. Religion plays more like a spiritual/philosophical role in my life more than anything. Kintu kichu kichu bepar ache ami gobhir bhaabe maani. I deeply respect all the religion and expect others to do so. But I don't impose my beliefs on anyone. It's just that...ignorance can be highly irritating. I used to be quite an ignorant person myself. And the society that I grew up in didn't help either. It's one thing I love about living here. There's a high level of tolerance here. Not 100%, but most certainly a lot higher. Unfortunately, I've obsvered that people from our native backgrounds are more judgmental of others than anyone else. Some of them still hold on to that cavemen era mentality. It's really sad in a way and I want to get away from some of these people who surround me.

And if you guys want to really understand Islam, the original relationship of Islam with Christianty and Judaism and for that matter, the sole purpose of religion itself (at least in theory) and want to get some ideas why some things exist in the world or more imporantantly, SHOULD exist, please read this book - The Heart of Islam: Understanding values for Humanity by Seyyed Hossein Nasr. You don't have to be a Muslim or even believe in religion to check it out.

Ishshor proti ami ekta chapa khobh lalon kori moner onek gobhire. Sheta shey jane ki karone. Tar jana uchit. I may sound like a 2 year old when I say this but why are we even here? For what? Were we even asked whether we'd like to come to this place and to these people? We didn't even get to choose the people we born to! We didn't even get to know what kinda influence they might have on us. What kinda life we'll be gifted (or cursed) with. We weren't given any choices..any chances. Others made the decision for us. The Almighty made the decisions for us.

Hell, we werent even given the choice in terms of choosing our sexuality..or even names. Our primary identity. Then we get bashed for being a certain thing. We get bashed because we're girls. We get bashed for being homosexuals as if some of us were given the choice. We get bashed for being born in certain parts of the world, for our skin being a certain colour. Of speaking with a certain accent. Of...whatever. Anything! We get laughed at, taken advantage of for being poor. We didnt even get to choose our religion! And for some of us all we gained by being here is a hand full of disappointments in the worst possible ways and times.

Sometimes I really wonder...Why are we even here? We're commiting sins everyday. And when we try to be good we get screwed by each other. So, even if we want to be good to each other, we can't. It's not "realistic" anymore. So were we just born to commint sins and then just end up in a place call hell? Cause I don't think any of us (no matter the religion) will be going to heaven in a long, long time.

But that book mentioned above helped to answer some of these things. We're all children of God and the same God. I won't go on too much about it, but it helped me learn my own religion. I didn't even know there are more branches in Islam than just Sunnis, Shi'ites and Sufis. Stuff that no one talks about. Stuff that everyone should know and share but no one does. But still...I'm mad at God for not giving me any choices. I guess He knows that if I was given a choice I'd chose not to be here. For the most part, anyways. Maybe that's why he didn't give me any. He wanted me to be here with a certain plan. I just don't know what that might be. Perhaps going through ups and downs and experience life in all its different facets everyday?

I kinda agree with Karl Marx when he said "Religion is the opiate of the masses". He was a deeply non-religious person. And that's where we have our differences. I'm not deeply non-religious so I don't blame religion for acting as an opium and intoxicating our mind. It's the people who have turned a simple thing like religion into a...sort of a monster. Kind of Dr. Frankenstein's Monster. These so called religios leaders (belonging to all different religions, not just one or the other) and even regular people have turned religion into a superduper complex and therefore a negative thing. These are the people who are the opiate of the masses, not religion itself.

Religion, I guess was here to bring us together, not break us apart. But I guess what ended up, or is ending up, or someday will end up doing is drivie us away from each other and kill us. And it'll be all because of certain people of our society (all over the world) and ignorance of the rest. Religion itself is a pretty harmless thing. Kind of a sleeping, locked gun under someone's pillow. It's harmless as long as it's not being unlocked and used for all the wrong reasons