[Gemini]

Monday
July 30. 2007
3:36 PM

Deen tar shuru khub bhalo bhabe na holeo...kharap bhabe hoyni. Ghum as always, bhanglo dupure. Tobe ghumiyechhi bhor 4 tae, shey tulonay thiki achhe.

Maa er shathe aaj dui ekta kotha holo. Hmm.

Besh kichu bochor dhore bhalo manusher moto ghorir katar shathe taal miliye ghumate pari nah. Prochur raat jagi ami. Jokhon class thake tokhon onektai force kore majh raate aage ghumate hoy. Tao 12/1 ta bejei jae. Shuye porar shathe shathe ghum ashe na amar. Onekta jor korei nijeke ghum parai. Goto raate specially. Mind ta ke onek ta dhomok diye chup korate hoyechilo. Tarpore ami ghumate perechi.

Na amar ghumer problem nei. Ghumate onek bhalobashi. Biraler shathe amar onek meel ache. Ami onek arampriyo. Er karone amar ekta mojar nick o achhe. Tobe majhe majhe onek kichu bhir kore mathay. Onek kotha...onek bhabna. Onek ghote jawa, ebong kokhonoi na ghota ghotona. It's kinda complicated. I don't expect you to understand all this. Thoughts of a chaotic mind...

Majhe majhe bhabi...amar shathe keno? Keno...AMI? Ar keu noy keno? Kisher jonno? Jani eshober uttor kokhono pabo nah. Eshober kono definite uttor nei. Ojothai jiggesh kora, bhaba. Tarporeo...


Ek shomoy onek bhalo chhilam. Onek shoja shorol chhilam. Aajkal ar oto bhalo, oto shoja shorol thakte ichha kore nah. Ki hoy manusher bhalo hoye? Kochu hoy. Ichha kore onek palte jete. Hoyto parbo nah. I'm one of those people who can't be a rascal even if they wanted to be. Even if they have every perfect excuses/reasons for it. Just can't. Because when people like me wake up from their sleep the next day and stand in front of the mirror, they are faced with themselves. When that happens, they prefer not seeing a face of a cheater, a delibirate sinner, of a torturer.

Ami angelic noy. Kintu shoitan o noy. Parbo o na hote, dutor ektao. Etai amar ekmatro shantona. Jibone kauke aghaat korar jonno kichu korini. Koshto ki jinish ta jani tai sheta kauke dite bindu matro ichha kore nah. Ulto peye jai.

Boshe boshe Dark Illusion er Tragedy shunchi. Onek shundor ekta gaan. Gaaner shur ta aro oshadharon. Onno kichu ar shunte ichha korche nah...sharadin shudhu ei gaan tai shunte ichha korche. Kichu kichu gaan ache..ekdom mathay dhuke jae. Tokhon ar onno kichu bhalo lage nah.

Choto ekta bachha...6 bochor boyosh. Meyeta amar chul achre dicche. Gobhir momotay. Hoyto o bujhteo parche na or etotuku momota amar upore ki gobhir bhabe provab felche. Oke bolleo bujhbe na. Ek haathe amar chuler gocha dhore dekhche..epash theke opash theke. Khub lomba chul na amar tai khub beshi kichu korte parche nah. Amar chuler terota bajache ar ki. Bajak. I can always fix it. Kintu ei picchi haater sporsho shob shomoy pabo nah. Or ei mood beshikhon thakbe nah.

Oi je..or khela shesh. Khela shesh hol-e shobai chole jae...o-o chole gechhe.

Nah amar ekta jinish amar picchu charche nah. Kobe chharbe ke jane. Etodin bhebechi chhereche. HOtath kore abaro upolobdhi korchi..na chhareni. Ebong jani joto chharate jabo totoi akre dhorbe. I've made peace with it. It's not making peace with me.