Tuesday
July 31st, 2007
2:53 pm
Morte morte onek bar beche gechhi. Literally. Amar boyosh jokhon ek bochor tokhon ekbar ek talar baranda theke pore giye senseless hoye giyechilam. Pichoner deeke ektu jongla moto chilo...dhalu hoye neme giye ekta birat pukur chilo. Ami pore giye goriye barandar niche chole giyechilam. Keu khuje pacchilo nah. Pore ke jeno peyechilo. Pukure pore gele aaj ami...
Goto 6/7 mash e ami besh koi bar gari chapa porte porte beche gechi. Beshir bhag shomoy streetcar theke namar shomoye. Signal na mana gari. Ekbar namte jacchi...ki mone kore ami ek second er jonno thomke gelam. Thik tokkhuni khola dorojar shamne diye druto gotite chhute gelo ekta lal ronger sports car. Ek second. Shey ek second amar jibon bachiye dilo. Erokom besh koibar hoyeche.
Ekbar...jokhon ami 5 ki 6..narikel kheye bhishon bhabe food poison hoye giyechilo. Keu bujhtei parchilo na amar ki hoyeche. Aage to kokhono emon hoyni. Amiyo bujhte parchilam nah. Peter bethay mone hocchilo mara jabo. Marai jetam. I was taken to a doc..who injected me with a wrong kind of drug. Obostha aro kharap hote laglo. Tarpore amake niye jawa hoylo arekta nursing home e. Shekhane thaklam prai ek shopta. I was doing fine. Shey nursing home (naam bolbo na) er pichone ekta bagan chilo. Shekhane, ekhono mone ache birat boro boro laal, golapi, shada joba phul phutto. Last day te ki ekta injection dilo...amar daan haat er upor e shui lagano chilo. Saline cholchilo. Amar haat phula shuru korlo. Jani na...beche gelam abaro.
Sheshbar jokhon Dhakay gelam, oi Nursing home er shamne diye amra koi bondhu jacchilam...hotath mone porechilo ghotona ta.
Ekbar chhad e uthechilam. Oi dotala barir chhad ta ebong oi pukur ta bhishon pochondo amar. Ekhono...jodiyo barita jirno hoye gechhe ebong pukur ta bhore fela hoyeche. Dhanmondir barita amar konodin eto priyo chilo nah. Tobe bagaan ta onek bhalo lagto. Sheta ekhon parking garage hoye geche. To odin brishti porechilo. Ami kichukhon theke neme ashbo...hotath slip korlam. Ektu pore kheyal korlam amar daan paayer pata tin er gate tar bhanga ongshe atke gechhe. Ebong shomane rokto jhorche. Jutor bhetor diye dharalo ongsho ta gethe geche. I was about 7 or 8. Dotalar shirighor theke rokto niche jacchilo. Ami chitkaro korte parchilam na i was so shocked. Maa dekhe almost fit. Baba niye gelo doc er kache..7 ta shelai ebong pura bedrest er order pelam. Bhalo hoye uthlam. Buro anguler pashe jaegatae ekhon temon kichu onubhob kori nah. Numb hoye geche kichuta.
Arekbar oi chhad e pore giye amar chokher shada ongshe rokto jome giyechilo. Ekta dot. I had to go to school with that. I had to go outside with that. Kono cure chilo nah....nije nije thik hoye giyechilo.
All these makes me wonder What the hell am I still alive for? Who the hell am I still alive for? Definite kono answer nai amar kache. For now..am just alive and..well? Yeah it seems like it. At least for now.  |