[Gemini]

Saturday
September 22nd, 2007
11:30 PM

I start considering moving from Toronto and suddenly some fucked up people decide to commit crimes (sex assaults, to be specific) in university/college campuses. Nice. My parents would really love it if they hear my future plan after all these, eh? I am sooo happy!!!

Am just being sarcastic, just in case you didn't get it.

Anyways, am sooo tired. Just got home after 12 hours. I went to work then travel all the way to the East end to hang out at my boro mama's place where my choto mama and nani also live. Boro mama and his family just got back from Dhaka two nights ago and finally the house is alive again with the two children As soon as they stepped into the house, boro mama called mom and insisted we go over because he has not seen us in 3 months! So por por 3 deen dhore okhanei adda marchhi!!

I got so many great gifts oh my god. I was not expecting all this! Am just thinking how the hell am gonna wear all these clothes?! It's not that am a minimalist but ekta manusher jodi eto jama kapor thake...
Just a few days ago I received few sets of salwar kameez courtesy of dad and now all these shari and kameez I dont know...it kinda makes me feel bad because am very aware of the fact that many, many people are not this fortunate. It makes me feel...really sad. Eid er jonno holeo dui ekta kameez/shari ei enough chhilo

I can not see people suffer, especially when it involves their basic needs. This is not fair, it shouldn't be like this. My two little cousins (aged 6 and 4) just came back from Dhaka and it was their very first time going there. They have never seen nor experienced any of the sufferings many people suffer. They were telling us about it and sometimes showing how people beg.

Most found it cute, it only made me feel worse. And I think the suffering has also have become embedded in their innocent, little minds. Manusher dukkho koshte amaro onek dukkho koshto hoy. At one point I was thinking about all this and I felt like crying. This is not how it's supposed to be! One can't have everything while the other is left with nothing! I don't care what religion says. It says the little a person has in this world the little they have to answer to God in the day of judgement. I have not seen the day of judgement, neither have they. Eta ki dhoroner bichar? Je ekta manusher basic survival er jonno kichhui thakbe na...taake manusher kache giye giye haat patte hobe. Aar protidaane pete hobe bonchona. Tarpor hoyto ek shomoy bechhete nite hobe kono oshoth poth. How fair is that?

Kintu amra, jader nai nai koreo onekkk kichhui ache, amara egula bhule thaki, egula amader ke ar sporsho kore na. Because we are so damn self absorbed and greedy. That's what it all boils down to. We're self absored and greedy. We DON'T NEED 80% of the stuff that we HAVE and WANT and THINK we need. Yet we complain. We b*tch about how we don't have anything we want and so forth. Whenever I think of all these people who can barely eat two days in a row, I try to keep my b*tching to a minimum.

I don't know man. I don't know about you but I wish I had a lot money and ways to feed and clothe everyone, build a house for everyone and also provide medical attention for everyone on this planet so that no one would go hungry, no one would have to wear scraps, no one would have to sleep on the cold, hard pavement and no one would die without at least seeing a doctor first. But I can't do that. At least not alone.

I sincerly thank God everyday for giving me so much. Yeah...there have been a few things that were taken away, but I've also been given a few things that so many others weren't. I've been given many, many things and I couldn't thank God enough.

In this materialistic world, money doesn't hold a lot of meaning for me. It is very important, I know that. Living in a world where proverty still prevails there is no way of ignoring the power and the need of money. Nor is there a way of ignoring how evil its power can also be. I don't want to be so rich. Manush joto rich hoy, toto nichu, toto lobhi hoye jae. Etai manusher nature mone hoy. Not that everyone is, but most are.

I don't wanna be one of them. I just want to have enough to live decently with a little extra. More than that, what I need the most is a happy home and a happy self. And a more stable world to live in. It can be harder than acquiring a lot of wealth. I know that very well. I don't wanna end up being a person who has a lot of material wealth but comes home to a HOUSE and does not even see her own family that often because they are so busy running in the rat race. I'd rather be there with them and have them be there with me and be happy

Like everyone, I will have a lot to answer in the day of judgement. Maybe not what I did with my overwhelming wealth but maybe what I did and did not do with whatever I was provided. I hope I'll be able to come up with some really good answers