when war ends

[daydreamer]

hello everyone, here is a terza rima sonnet. the end rhyme of each stanza's middle line sets up the scheme for next stanza's first and third lines. i know there r plenty of options to criticise this poem, yet let's see.................



When war ends


Haply one has seen him, bomb got him burnt

Bro’ and sis’ too young; parents old enough

None is to feed those lips, one thing he learnt.


Haply one has heard her cry, at times laugh

Ev’ryone she asks, none with the answer

Where is her only child, where life stands tough?


Haply one has known the time, long gone war

See, sightless people see, still wound in bed

‘Cause peace seems so close yet remains so far.


Haply Kings weep for the warriors dead

What tears would do; when truth comes untrue

When all the dreams are wash’d away by red.


In the end, we don’t have anything to choose

No matter who wins the war, we do lose.

[SenSeTransp()rt]

The attempt is praise-worthy and really is a pleasure to see you coming up with nice experiments with poetry. . .

As far as I knew, Sonnet needs 14 lines with 14 syllables in each line, I understood the speciality of this 'terza rima sonnet', that's a nice thing.

But, I would be better if you explain the lines and syllables.

[daydreamer]

Originally Posted by SenSeTransp()rt

The attempt is praise-worthy and really is a pleasure to see you coming up with nice experiments with poetry. . .

As far as I knew, Sonnet needs 14 lines with 14 syllables in each line, I understood the speciality of this 'terza rima sonnet', that's a nice thing.

But, I would be better if you explain the lines and syllables.

thank u very much for ur post. now let me explain, in bangla a sonnet needs 14 lines and 14 matras. but in english, a sonnet is of 14 lines in iambic pentametres, which means each line has to have 10 syllables.
for instance,


hap ly one has seen him bomb made him burnt



i hope u ve got it now. feel free to ask me if u ve any more questions.

[daydreamer]

ammmu keu amar kobita pore na

[BaNNa]

hehe porlam porlam
nice poem nice rythm
thnx for sharing

[Icy]

Vai apni j ekekta term den poem a .. Matha ghurai.. Newayz kobitata nice..

[aurora]

kobita ta onek sad

but thanks for experimenting with different structures[iambic pentametre er age shudhu vinci code er clue te porechi,normal example e dekhinai..]

well done

[daydreamer]

Originally Posted by aurora

kobita ta onek sad

but thanks for experimenting with different structures[iambic pentametre er age shudhu vinci code er clue te porechi,normal example e dekhinai..]

well done

thanks

but ami sure ekdin kono ek pondit aisha bolbe eita ashole hoi nai iambic pentametre