Peer pressure: how well do you cope?

[tanna]

Discuss on the effects that your peers have on you.


I start off:

Most of my acquaintances are good natured people. However, I can't ever be myself around them. I feel like I'm always being judged (it's paranoid I know) and I end up seated at some corner with serial afflictions of anxiety attacks. I never talk unless spoken to and even then I can't make eye contact or be normal. The whole experience of attending classes or hanging out turns out to be some horrible ordeal. It's almost always that bad. Resultantly all my acquaintances are just that, mere associations borne out of circumstance.

How 'bout you guys/

[Gemini]

Tanna tumi jeta bolcho amar mone hoy na oi ta thik peer pressure but something to do with your own self. Maybe you feel you are not good enough to hang out with? (Ulto tao hote pare manusher khetre). Why exactly don't you feel you can't be your real self around others? What is the reason behind keeping yourself away from others therefore not building any close, trusting relationship with anyone? Have you been let down by others before or what?


I have never experienced peer pressure, which even I myself think is crazy because these days it's unimaginable. But I have always been the one not to get pressured into doing something. Even when I started smoking, it was my own choice. When I quit, it was also my sole decision.

When I was 16/17, I hung out with older friends but it wasn't until I wanted to smoke that a cig touched my lips. They also never pressured me or even asked. I also had a good friend and she was into weeds. I never touched weed. The subject of weed never came into our friendship.

I've had lots of different friends throughout my life and I've also been let down my many.

Most of my close friends are "good" people so nothing too crazy. But I had my fair share of stuffs and it was because I made the decision/choice. I kinda take pride that I don't usually get fazed by others. It's kinda hard to get me hooked on something no matter HOW cool they may seem to someone else

And about being judged...well people judge people. That's just the nature of the beast. But friends do not and SHOULD NOT judge each other. I don't ever feel being judged when am with my friends and vice versa 'cause we are, I'd like to believe, TRUE friends. I didn't have these friends when I was younger. Amader jokhon serious howar dorkar tokhon serious thaki. Faizlami korar shomoy thakle faizlami, gala gali, maramari kono kichui baad jae na. Karo kichu hoyle bakider ghum shesh hoye jae. We have our personal differences and we respect that (but we're very similar so these are minimum). We try to be there for each other. Friend der shathei jodi manush REAL na thakte pare then what's the fuckin point of having friends? What's the difference btwn them and mere strangers then?

[tanna]

Yes, I know that my social anxiety arises from my low self esteem. (Yes, I have issues). It's usually not so bad when I'm with old(er) people, but it's quite difficult with people my own age. Even the thought of me being me is scary, but yes I'm trying to be more sociable. And no, it's not that my friend(s) have let me down in any which way, but I always feel this need to be 'flawless,' seeking sub-conscious acceptance perhaps, though I don't know of the underlying reasons for certain. It's never apparent when you look at me, but I'm a nervous wreck inside whenever I'm around people my own age. I only have a handful of gym buddies, and maybe a couple of school friends who I can be comfortable with, cos I know that I'm not being judged then. It's ironic that even though I strive to be compatible, I never fit in anywhere.

[Gemini]

Heh I completely get you. Sometimes, it's actually harder to get along people within the same age group than older (and sometimes younger). I guess the reason is there's so much competition (hidden and visible) and judgemental attitudes and what not Plus not having similar personality traits matter as well. Jemon dhoro, room bhorti manusher moddhe jodi tomar chinta dhara ektu onno rokom hoy tahole to kothai nai

Sometimes it's also hard for me to hang with strangers. It takes a while for me to open myself and warm up to people. Amar moddheo kichuta...call it anti-social if you will, bhaab achhe. Shob shomoy shobar shathe mishte pari na/bhalo laage nah. Shobaike je best friend banay felte hobe, or shobar shathe perfect thakte hobe emon kono kotha nai. Aage amiyo besh nervous fervous feel kortam, ekhon kori nah. I am what/who I am. I have people who likes/loves me as I am so that's all that matters really

[tanna]

Yeah, most of my peers are not overtly judgmental, but some are though. I try being uninfluenced, but it's easier said than done. Whilst trying to assimilate, I battle the anxiety that by then has already set in. In fact, it's almost impossible for me to start a conversation with a stranger: I will be second guessing my second guesses and coming up with all sorts of reasons in my mind to not approach and talk. However, of late I have been consciously trying hard to be more affable and it has been working a bit, and the anxiety isn't as bad some of the time.

[Gemini]

Well eittoh! See it's goin away It has to come from within bujhcho? Whenever you feel anxious or whatever just tell yourself orao manush, tumiyo manush. You are whatever they are so ora tomake kheye felbe nah ^_^ That should help a bit when it comes to talking to strangers or asking for help or something. NEVER EVER undermine yourself. You are as good as anyone

[tanna]

Originally Posted by Gemini

Well eittoh! See it's goin away

It's somewhat more complicated, but I appreciate the encouragement.

[shmegel]

i've never felt pressured by my friends for anything like smoking, or drinking because they dont do it themselves. one of my best friends has started the whole drinking, making out with randoms, girls and boys alike at parties etc. she left our group because me and my other friend were quite adamant about the fact that this was our hsc year and we weren't going to waste time on Bullsh!t like that. so no i wasnt pressured by her organising get-togethers every month.

i dunno. i finished skool, going to uni next where aparently most people go clubbing at night. im determined about not falling into such a pattern, but who knows what'll happen. ive been pressured into things i regret by people before, people much older than me...but when im with someone who knows me well like my friends im able to withstand such pressures. depends on who im with

tanna bhaia, your situation is quite different. ive been paranoid before, but i cant say if what ur talking bout is paranoia. but its not peer pressure either. its actually the antithesis of peer pressure really, coz ur not yielding to any body!

[tanna]

Yes, I have SAD (social anxiety disorder).

[Force_Recon]

Most of my acquaintances are good natured people. However, I can't ever be myself around them. I feel like I'm always being judged (it's paranoid I know) and I end up seated at some corner with serial afflictions of anxiety attacks. I never talk unless spoken to and even then I can't make eye contact or be normal. The whole experience of attending classes or hanging out turns out to be some horrible ordeal. It's almost always that bad. Resultantly all my acquaintances are just that, mere associations borne out of circumstance.

How 'bout you guys/

uh what the....?you seem to be speaking for me too.
yes I too have such problems,though I do have some good friends though,people who are like me think like me.
I don't to to fit in.Like to keep and uphold my own ideals.some people call me a loser just because I am not 'cool' or don't have a girlfriend or don't do a lot of other things but I don't care;still it's irritating.