Thoughts of a Chaotic Mind

[Gemini]

Saturday
Oct. 27, 2007
11:33 PM

Dad came home!!! I was just kinda missing him and daadi a couple of days ago and here is helping mom with dinner

He didnt even tell us he's coming! I found out by calling my friend last night. She was telling me that he was already on the plane by then. Ofcourse I did not believe her! I spoke to him only the day before Amake to kichhui bole nai. He and his ways of surprises.Erokom kore keu chole ashe? Tao bhaggish friend ke call diyechilam noyle to kichhui jantam nah. What if we went out and he couldn't get in?!!

Am sooo happy today!!! Not because he came back (okay maybe a little ) but I got sooooo many gifts!! I can't believe it! Just a couple of days ago I got a bunch of gifts and then today all these (ettto etttoo kacher churi ar maatir goyna!!). And I hear there's more on the way But I'm not happy only for the gifts though. Onek deen pore besh kichu bhalo bangla boi peyechhi, khushi ta sheikhanei. Shob kichur upore amar boi!!! Er upor abar ajkal barite ador ektu beshi bere gechhe

I can't believe what dad actually got me as a special gift!!! Kintu shob theke bhalo legechhe jokhon baba bollo how happy he is about me. That is something I don't hear often. So that meant a good.

Deshe jete prochondo ichhe kore kintu agaami 2 bocchor boddhoy jawa hobe nah. Bhebechilam goromer chhuti te jawa hobe kintu chhuti pabo matro 2 shoptah. 2 mash ei jekhane enough na.....Tar upore maa ki shob condition dicche, mejaj kharap hoye jae shunle. Bole ki deshe gelei biye korte hobe!! Yea right!! Tahole ami kom pokkhe 20 bochor o poth e jabo na What is it with mothers???

Ar ami to China jete chai. Settle korte noy. 3/4 bochor pore ek bochhorer lucrative ekta offer pawar chance achhe amar. Just for the sheer joy of travelling and seeing a new country I will go there. My own FREE apartment in China!!! How cool would THAT be? Buttttttt I should not get ahead of myself. Ota jokhon hobe tokhon hobe. Tobe ami deshe jaboi jabo!!

Onek tired laagche. I think am gonna go get started on my assignments.

[Gemini]

A brief story of my life.

Monday
Oct. 29, 2007
11:42 am

Jibon ta ki odbhut na? Or shathe bondhutto ta toiri hote shomoy legechilo khub olpo. Duijonei ektu hoyto chonnochhara. O ekjon torun filmmaker, artist, photographer ebong ek shomoyer semi-pro cricketer. Goon er list besh lomba. Duijonei mon khule kotha bolte bhalobashi. Okhanei meel ta chilo shob cheye beshi. Onek kichu niye kotha hoto. Shilpo, shongskriti, amader mathar totkhonat chinta bhabna. Current affairs. Dui jonei bishsho boi premik, kotha bolar topic er obhab hoto koi?!

Bondhutto ta hut korei ekdin goriye onnokhane chole gelo. Or intellect amake tenechilo. Aar amar ki oke tenechilo taa ami aajo thik jani na. Tobe o bolto ami alada, shetai hobe hoyto. Tobe ta matro shopta dui ek. Manush bondhu holei je bondhur chaite beshi kichu hoye shukhi hobe, emon kotha nei. Folafol dui jon abaro bondhu hoye gelam. Khub shohojei. Prothome or upore kichuta khuddho chilam ami. Ar amar upore o. Or oi chonnochhara shobhaber karonei, ar kichhu na.

Abar easy hoye gelo shob kichu ektu shohojei. Intellectually connected holei je manush onno shob level e connected hobe emon kono kotha nei. Bhab probonota shuru thekei kom chilo tai hoyto. Toiri howar shomoy pelo koi? Tobe halka shutoi shomporko ta ekhono tike achhe. Shotti kotha bolte, shobar shathe shob hoy na. Howar to kothao na. We get along so much better as just friends

O ar du mash pore berate ashbe bollo. Amake lunch er dawat dilo, ami accept korlam. So finally dekha hochhe. Bhaloi hobe or shathe mukhomukhi adda mara hobe. Karo proti karo kono promises kokhono chilo na, thakar proshnoi uthe na. Bondhutto, shey joto halka hok ba ghobhir, ta onek boro ekta bepar. Kono dhoroner confusion ke er majhe sthaan dewa uchit noy.

[Gemini]

Porikkha ebong amar kahini

Tuesday
Oct. 30th, 2007
11:06 pm

Porikkha dorgorae ele manusher bestota shotogoon bere jae. Nawa khawa bhule shobai boi potre dube jae. Onek shomoy onichha thaka shotteo. Jibon prai theme jae. Upae nei to, porte hobe. Pore shob uttor jene porikkha diye pass kortei hobe. Duniyar baki shob chinta janala diye doure palae. Amar boro bon ke dekhechhi, cousin der dekhechhi. Parar manush ke dekhechhi. Nijer bondhuder o dekhi.

Ek amiy erokom konodin korte parlam na. Porikkha ele jeno amar anondo ulto bere jae. Boi potro chhowa bondho kore dei. Gaaye furfure batash laagiye ghure berano bere jae amar. Ami borabori ektu fakibaaj typer. Porashuna bhalo laage, laage na kebol porashunar shathe baki shob jinish gulo. Ei jemon ekta nirdishto shomoye ghumote jawa, ghum theke otha. Ekdom shokale shomoy moto class e dhoka. Eta amar konodini hoy na. Folafol? Prai protideen ei shokale class e late noyto absent. Raat e ghumer poriborte jege jege golpor boi ebong gaan shuntei jeno anondo beshi.

Goto dui shondha belae ami downtowner rastae ghure ghure shomoy katiyechhi. Art supplier dokan khujhte giye raat neme gele College Park er rastar dhare benche e boshe Tim Horton er coffee khete khete manusher pothochola dekhechhi. Gotokal theke boi khata tule rekhe chhobi akar khata khule boshe achhi. Ei hocche amar obostha

Shokale uthe class e jawar chaite aro adha ghonta beshi ghumate ki je moja! Ami onek alshe ebong ektu beshiy...ulto. Beche gechhi Allah mogoj ta puropuri onurbor kore amake duniyate pathanni bole. Tar kache onek kritoggo ami. Kono na kono karone dekha jae amar mark onek bhaloi thake . Manush roj ekta nirdishto shomoy kore porte boshe, ami tao kori nah. Porashuna ichha moto.

Ei kheyalepona niye oboshsho shongoto karone bipodeo porechhi. Ki korbo boring class moteo bhalo lagto na bole kom faaki marini. Tobe dhora kheyechhi onek, onek kom. Kheleo prai shob shomoye amar ekta valid ojuhaat thaktoi. Porashunae kichu bocchor pichiye jawar mul karon oboshsho onno. Shetar bhitor jete ichha korche na.

Kotha shuru korechilam porikkha diye. Ekhon final porikkhar shomoy. Matro 3/4 deen porei exams gulo shuru hobe. Protita class e 2 ta kore exams. Shob miliye 6 ta. Ami moha anonde raat jege jege desh theke ana Jafor Iqbal aar Shomoresh Mojumder er boi pore jacchi. Shathe magazines to achhei. Law'r assignment ta oboshsho besh bhaloi hoyeche kintu too bad beshi shomoy paini bole 5 ta essay'r jaegae 2 to korechhi. First part ta oboshsho purota korechhi. Jototuk kora hoyechhe taate full marks ebong shathe instructor er comment "What you did was really good!! What happened to the other 3 essays??!". Bechari bodhdhoy ektu dukkhito o hoyechhe. Korar kicchu nei, goto shoptahe haate asholei ekdom shomoy chilo na.

Ami aaj bikele boshe boshe bhabchilam porbo ta ki? Porar to kicchu nei. Kono term mukhosto korar nei, kono assignments jome nei. Tobe? Kintu manush to porikkhar shomoy pore. Amar eidik e golpor boi porar chhara kono kichhui nai. Maa baba ke bolle gheti dhore boi er bhetor chubiye rakhbe amake. Moteo bishash korbe na je amar asholei.....porar kichu nei . Tahole exams dibo kemne? Sheta niyeo amar moteo chinta hocche na. Jeno ami shob jene boshe achhi.

Shob shomy erokom hoy. Exam er aage shobai beshi beshi serious hoye jae, ami hoy ulto. Amar anonde gaan gaite ichha kore. Jeno amar moto chintahin manush duniyate nei! Shobar ki dukkho amar ki anondo!!! Class e ichha moto jawa shuru kori (emniteo shokaler class tae erokomi kori. Protidin shudhu jodi jetam shobar majhe prothom howa amar jonno kono bepar na, kintu jai nah. Instructorer o kicchu bolar nei karon shomoy moto shob kichui joma diye dei. Uni shudhu ektai comment korechen midterm report e "Your marks could go up if you're just here everyday". I couldn't bother less )

Ami je ki kore ektar por ekta class pass hoye jacchi ta ami nijeo thik bujhte parchi nah. Shob gulo College/University amake keno ek kothae accept kore fello tao bujhte parchi nah. Jei major choose korlam shekhane sthaan matro 90 joner. Apply kore deshi bideshi, ei shohorer ebong desher onnano sthaan theke asha prai 1000 ero beshi students.

Apply kore chup boshe achhi. Shob gulor letter elo. Letter elo na kebol oi course er. Ek shomoy shetao elo, mandatory test dite hobe. Shetae allowed hole tarpore arekta. Test dite giye deri hoye gelo. 5 tolay test ami ek tolar elevator porjonto jokhon pouchhulam tokhon shuru hote katae katae 5 minute baki. 5 talay uthe room ber kore jokhon dhuklam tokhon ekdom 1 ta beje gechhe. Bhaggo boshoto test tokhono shuru hoy ni. Holo aro prai adha ki ek ghonta por. Beshir bhag tai chilo nijer chinta dharar opor. Amar nijer chinta dhara kemon ta to oneke janoi. Ja bhabi, bole dei sposhto. Diye chole elam.

Tarpor abaro opekkha. 2nd tar daak pore ki na. Odik e bhabchi baki course gulor ki hobe? Law assistant hoye jabo naki Artist? Naki etar jonno opekkha korbo? Mon bollo opekkha korte. Maa o tai chan. Aka akir bepar ta jeno shudhu matro shokh hishabei thik ache. Manlam. Ek bikele cell bajlo. Shey course er Program Director nije jokhon bollen amake accepted kora hoyeche kintu 2nd test dite hobe na ebong uni personally asha korchen ami unar program tai choose korbo, tokhon amar akash theke pore jawar moto obostha hoyechilo.

Bashay upohaar pelam maa er gaal. Gaal khawar karon achhe. Oi je amar gaaye furfure batash lagiye ghure berano. Unar ek bhoi ami nirghaat golla khabo. Golla je aage khaini ta noy. Tar karon chhilo. Boyosh chhilo kom, ebong jibone chhilo hajarer chaiteo beshi shomoshsha. Porashuna ta chhere diyechhilam. Baddho hoyechhilam onekta. Boro kothin chilo shey shomoy gulo. Ekhon bhable nijeke boyosher chaite onek onek boro mone hoy. Mone hoy oshob koshto gulo experience kore boyosh er deek diye mentally onek boro hoye gechhi.

Jai hok. Ei holo amar mutamuti kahini. Bidhata amake onek upokar korechhen tai majhe majhe tar upore prochondo khobh holeo rege jawar aage du baar bhabi. Amar job ta moteo stable na, tarporeo ki kore jeno pocket kokhono khali thake na. Ar orokom holeo kottheke jeno taka eshe jae. Porashunar nomuna to likhlami. Tarporeo final exams dewar aage green signal peye gelam 148 student er majhe (e bochor shongkha barate tara baddho hoyeche). Jibone onek ghaat protighaat shojjho korte hoyeche amar, tarporeo bolbo ami onek shukhi

[Bristir Chhonde]

tomar likha porte porte besh kichukhon chup kore theke abar jege uthi kichu likhar jonno. shobar mukh theke shunte shunte amar nijer chokke dheke besh promanito holo je tumi shotti besh shundor kore guchiye likhte paro. ami mughdo hochilam jotobar tomar ager post gulo porchilam. desher baire theke tomar bangla likhar tulona hoina. kobita gulo oshadharon. "tomae boro chute iche kore"..... kobita amake chuye gelo.

likhe jau...r he tomar likha moteo boring na....tomar ja hoi saradin ta eshe tumi bomi kore dau tomar blog-e. er cheye halka houar bostu r ki hote pare bolo.

bhalo theko

[Gemini]

Thursday
Nov. 1st/2007
2:24 PM

Mon ta moteo bhalo nei. Weather ke blame korte ichhe korche kintu bhalo korei jani ete weather er kono fault nei. Karor kono fault nei. Ar jodi karo dosh hoye thake, ta amar nijer. Bishleshon korte ichhe korche nah.

Bristir Chhonde, tomar ei shundor comment er jonno bishesh bhabe dhonnobaad. Tumi je etto gulo post porecho, shetai onek. And about Bangla...ei bhasha take ami konodini bhulte parbo nah. Ektu kabbik shonabe kintu ei bhasha amar rokte achhe. Amar ei bhalobashar jonno bodhdhoy amar nana daayi. Uniyo ei bhasha ke prochondo bhalobashten. Nesha ebong pesha hishebe dhore niyechhilen kolom ke. Tar kichutar resh hoyto eshe legeche amar gaaye. No matter how much I speak English or any other language, beshikkhon Bangla na bole thakte pari nah. Amar bhasha niye amar aabeg onno rokom kichhuta, tar bohiprokash o onno rokom. Sheta ami lekhae prokash kori.

Shara jibon bangla boi er poka chhilam. Maa baba bole ami naki eka eka Bangla shikhechhi. Amake konodin jor kore Bangla boi porate hoyni. Jokhon chhoto chhilam tokhon kagojer thonga, rastar signboard eshob naki oti monojog diye porar cheshta kortam. Tai dekhe amake shorolipi kine dewa hoyechhilo. Golpor boi ami jor kore kore kintam baire gelei. Maa porte boshato school e jawar aage thekei. Baba shikhato haather lekha. Onek kobitao mukhosto korechhilam mukhe mukhe.

Amar porishkar mone achhe ek shondhae boshe boshe khatae kata kuti korte korte bornomalar "LO" nije nije likhe fellam. Eta hoyto ektu obishashsho kintu amar memory onek bhalo. Choto belar emon onek kothai amar mone achhe, aageo hoyto likhechhi.

Joto bipotti hoyechilo English e "C" ta niye. Likhte boshlei ami "C" ke tar moto na kore ulto kore likhtam. Kokhono "U" er moto, kokhono ulto "U" er moto...kintu kichhutei "C" ta ar "C" er moto hoto nah. Kom jhari khai nai, shetao mone achhe.

Little Jewels e porar shomoy protita class e "Radiant Reading" bole ekta boi thakto amader. Oshojjho lagto boi ta ke. Khali pora ar ei exercise, oi exercise. Ekbar mone acche shondha bela porar shomoy amar moteo ichha korchilo na porte. Kintu upaae nei, porbo na bollei maa er ogni murti dekhte hobe (jeta aaj obodi ami bhishon bhoi pai ebong boyosh barar shathe shathe prochondo birokti o laage).

Ami tokhon 6 ki 7 bochorer. Prochondo oniccha niye boi ta kachhe tene niye boshlam. Jei paragraph ta porte diyechilo shetao mone achhe. Ki ek laal murgi ar tar owner er kahini. Maa tokhon ektu rege achhe amar ei onichha dekhe. Amake bollen "Koi poro! Dekhi". Amar tokhon ichha korche boi fele rekhe chhad ki rastae giye khelte bondhu der niye. Kintu ora o tokhon porte boshechhe je jar barite.

Ami ek rash oboshaad niye tene tene porte laaglam "I.......my...." ...Maa amar obostha dekhe heshe fellen Raag korar bodole maa hashche! Amar deeke takiye bollen "Ebhabe portesish keno??" Ami kichu bollam nah, matha nichu. Chokh boi er okkhorer opor. Ami ki ichha kore korechhi naki? Orokom hoye gechhe. Amar bhetorer rajjer onichha, oboshaad ta mukh diye ber hoye gechhe. Maa er bodhhoy doya holo. Amake halka dhomok mere bollen "Jaa tor porte hobe na! Ki porli dekhlam to!". Ami ek laafe boi khata fele dour dilam ekta!

Areh! Choto belar ei kotha ta likhte giye mon bhalo hoye gelo amar.....

[Gemini]

Friday
Nov. 02,2007
2:34 pm

Etto nishpaap jar chehara...shey ki kore eto boro paapi hote pare?

Ami keno aajo taake bhulte pari na? Keno pari na tar betrayal ke bhule jete?

Amar bhetor eto strength...eto shojjho khomota...tahole keno aajo pari na mene nite?

[Bristir Chhonde]

I don't know api wat's your going thru....however i hope everything turns out ok...May God give you strength to handle all the problems.

[Gemini]

Originally Posted by Bristir Chhonde

I don't know api wat's your going thru....however i hope everything turns out ok...May God give you strength to handle all the problems.

No apu things are fine. Notun kore kichu na, it's just that am having trouble forgetting some things from earlier times.

[Gemini]

Saturday
Nov. 3rd 2007
11:16 pm

Ko deen dhore mon bhalo nah. Erokom ordho mritor moto ghora phera korte ichha kore nah. Ami pariyo nah sharakhon sad hoye thakte othoba family/friends der bujhte dite amar bhetore ki hocche. Bhalo laage nah. (Bondhu ra oboshsho bujhei jae...) Amar kaaj hocche shobar mon bhalo kora, kintu jokhon nijer turn ashe....

Aaj ker deen ta bhalo kharap miliye oto kharap o chilo na oboshsho. Kintu ekta karone abar....Man I seriously hate this. Upset hoye thakte bhalo laage na kintu etar birudhhe kichu korteo parchi nah. Nijer emotions er upor niyontron hariye felte bhalo lage na amar. Emotion ta raag, ki koshto ki jai-ei hok. Shob shomoy control e rakhar cheshta kori. Shob kichu kichu beshi beshi bhalo na. Kintu ei koshto ta amar jeno baadh bhanga.

Bashay proti weekend er moto aaj keo amar mama mami ebong kichu cousins ra eshechhe. Adda marteo ichha korchhilo na dekhe pc niye besto hoye boshe achhi. Choto bon er jonno gaan download kore dicchi or mp3 te. Picchita boro hoye gelo dekhte dekhte. Amar moto gaan er taste hoyechhe or, jeta asha korini. Aajkal shobai to jei haare hip hop, rap ki shob shune.... I was actually surprised when she asked to download artists like The Cure, Goo Goo Dolls, Nirvana and R.E.M! Impressive. So tai korchhi or jonno. Bhalo hoyechhe or karone onek deen jeshob gaan shunini aaj ta shunchhi.

Ekhon mama mami ra chole jachhe. Ek mami amar kopale chumu kheye bidaay niye gelo. Naah bhalo lagche nah. Ei to raat 11:27 baaje, deen ta shesh hoye gelo. Ekhon ar ki korar achhe? Dinner kore ghum? Heh. Ghum ele toh!

[Gemini]

Ami ebong amar nick name er yaaa lomba list...

Sunday
Nov. 04, 2007
1:46 pm

Nick (Gemini) niye:

Gemi
Gemu
Gemzy
Gemzu
Gem

Naam (Priyanka) niye:

Priyu
Prinku
Priya
Pri
Pinkey (Addabaj bhaiyar dewa)

Misc:

Kauwaa (Kaak. Crow. Ek bhaiya chete gelei amake bole "hussshh kauwaaa dure jaa" )
Matal balika (because I listen to metal )
Bandor (ek cousin dakto choto belae jodiyo ami onek bhodro chhilam/achhi )
Dhari Bilai (amar shob cheye priyo ebob shob cheye famous nick Given by a choto bhaiya/friend. Etar pichone kahini achhe).
Dhari Kossop (Kocchop. Turtle. Otao or dewa ebong etar pichoneo kahini achhe).
Apuniiiii (oitao or dewa)
Pingu (Ek friend er dewa. Ami naki oi Pingu naamer penguin tar moto cute pagol public!!)
Moha rani (Baap maa er dewa. Rege gelei eta bole daaka daki kore )
Paglee (Addabaj bhaiyar dewa)


Aro onek achhe....