Thoughts of a Chaotic Mind

[Gemini]

Wednesday
September 26th, 2007
10:32 pm

Maash ta dekhte dekhte shesh hoye jacche...koi deen pore notun arekta maash shuru hobe. Tobe notun ekta maash shuru holeo, amar shob kichu aager motoi thakbe. Nah, kotha ta bodhhoy thik holo na. According to Buddhism, we're constantly changing. Nothing is ever stable. Jemon dui minute aager Ami-r shathe dui minute porer Ami'r kono meel ekhon nei. Ei dui minute aage ami Germany'r upor ekta pramanno chitro dekhchilam so obhabe dekhte gele now I know more about Germany than I did before And I found out where Led Zeppelin got their name
Oti shukkho bichaar. Tobe sthool kore dekhte gele, mash er por mash ami ebong amar jibon eki roye jacche. Well, onek ta ek.

Ajob er gaan shunchi besh onek deen pore. Majhe majhe onek bangla gaan shuni...tarpor onek deen abar shuni nah. Aaj keno jani hotath Ajob shunte ichha korlo. Oder album ta shunte shunte ekta chhobi aklam. Hotath kore keno jeno aaj aakteo ichha korchilo. Besh kichudeen ekdom koreni.

October maash ta amar jonno....ektu different ekta mash. Aage chhilo na. It was just like any other month, bore no importance for me. Except for like the Thanksgiving Holiday and Halloween. And maybe a couple of birthdays. Now it means more than that. The date is October 18th, 2006 to be specific. Goto bochor odin mone hoyechilo ami more giyechhi. Odin ebong tar porer koita deen ja ghotechilo taate amar shotti shotti tai mone hocchilo. Mone hocchilo ami more giyechi, amar shathe egulo kichui hocche nah. Ami more giye dushshopno dekhchhi. That day has changed me forever. I still sometimes can't believe it.

Jai hok. Ami keno jani amar parents ashe pashe thakle Bangla gaan shunte pari na. Awkward laage. Emnite shomane dhoom dhaam rock metal bajai, karo kichu mone hoy na. Bangla gaan shunar shomoye amar awkward laage Tokhono keu kichu bole nah but I don't know...is it only me or you guys feel the same around your parents?

Ektu aage "Chokkher Pani" shunchilam. Onek bhalo laage gaan ta. Well the whole album is amazing (it's old news to you guys, am sure). Jei maa eshe boshlo dilam change kore. Not that she cares what am listening to. Amar erokom onek choto choto odbhut bepar acche. Nijeo bujhi nah. Or maybe...(let's give some psychological explanation to myself) I kinda relate to the lyrics and if she pays a lot of attention, she'll notice it too. Maybe that's why a part of me didnt want to play it.

I've gone back to the song now. Chhelemanushir kono maane nai. Ar ki likhbo bhaabchi...temon kichu pacchi nah. Ichhe korche nah. I should start pushing myself more. Kono kichu korar aagei mone hoy "maybe parbo nah". Tarpore korte gele dekha jae bhaloi pari. Shuru korar aage keno mone hoy ke jane. It's like I'm the one who doesn't believe in herself. I have to let go off that. I need more positivism. If only it was that easy....okay there goes that little cynic in me...God! Why is it so hard to be positive?

And I guess I should start dreaming again...a little bit. Ordho mrito hoye thakar kono maane hoy nah.

10:56 PM

[Severus]

i'm sure you haven't changed 'sthulobhabe' since 1990

[Gemini]

right back at ya, Mr. Severus

Thursday
September 27th, 2007
1:37 pm

Feeling very gloomy. Jani na what/who should I blame. The weather or the fact that am home on a Thursday. Or the fact that mom and I see the world and everything in it so differently that it's not even funny. Anyways. Ei muhurte Goo Goo Dolls er "Here is Gone" er duita line mathay ghurchhe. Gaan ta amar shob shomoykar priyo. Every time I listen to it, I go back to the year 20001. This was the song of the year, along with a few. Every time I hear those, I automatically go back in time....

"I thought I lost you somewhere
But you were never really ever there at all"

[.madman.from.hell.]

no amar akward lage na bangla gaan shunte parents ar shamne.. keno lagbe? shy? lol dunno..but bangla romantic gaan ta avoid kora zai..sthulobhabe sthulokai lok ter sthulo comment a kisu bhuslam na..o achha canadian girls ra positive hoi na kokhono alwayz negative

[Gemini]

Aaaai eta amader shobai ke (jara ekhane thaki) stereotype korlaaa!

Yeah amar oidhoroner gaan shuntei orokom ektu awkward laage
eventhough I know abbu ammur kono kichui jae ashe na

Oooohh wait a minute! this thread's sticky! How come?

Friday
September 28th, 2007
11:30 pm

The test kinda killed me today. I mean I would like to be positive and say I did good, but the reality is...I honestly don't know. It was a very critical analysis (of a real life lawsuit) so there was no way of studying any material beforehand. So jani na kemon hoyse...I'd like to pass it though. And I hope I did

A school mate of ours had been hospitalized right after returning from Bd. She was suffering from typhoid so she was admitted at the hospital for a couple of weeks. We made plans to go see her today after I was done with the day. Bechari shukiye kaathi hoye gechhe. But good thing was, today was her last day there. So we spent some time in her cabin and later her mom came to drover her home. And we left as well.

The 4 of us drove around (something we usually do when we go out) and then my friend N proposed to take us to a beautiful place. How could I say no to that? So we drove around...and finally he parked the car in the middle of what looked like a field! So as we were getting out, N asked me and O to close our eyes and hold his and R bhaiya's hand. We were like "Why? " He was like "Areh chokh bondho kor...nahole to shob maati korbi. Chokh bondho kore shathe shathe aay...don't worry pore jabi nah " So there we were, O and myself walking with our eyes closed, totally relying on the guys. At one point we had to pass through a wired fence. Then they took our hands and led us somewhere. We were finally asked to open our eyes.

Oh.My.God!!! You guys would not believe what lay before us. It was the MOST SPECTACULAR view of Lake Ontario from the Scarborough Bluffs EVER!!! O and I screamed in excitement. We were totally on the edge of the hill, there were literally no barrier in front of us..and we were REALLY REALLY high up. I am a little bit scared of heights, mainly because I can not swim But man...the view was....absolutely breath taking!!! I haven't received the photos yet. I'll post them as soon as I do.

We spent some time there taking pictures and just hangin out, having a good laugh. Then it was getting chillier so we left. Later when we were on our way to have dinner N told us that the scream we both gave out was worth everything. He was blown away by our response because eventhough he knew we were gonna love it, he wasn't expecting it And we said we werent expecting the view either!! We all have been to the bluffs before (posted some pics in my arts/photography thread) but never seen anything like that!!

We had an amazing dinner at a Portuguese restaurant right outside of Toronto. N's treat. We always have such a blast when we're out, obviously. Then R bhaiya wanted to check out a electronics store because he wanted to shop around for a new camera. We tagged along and O and I were checking out all these latest models of electronics. As you may guess, I'm nuts for a good quality camera. And I wanted to get a better MP3 player so I just ended up buying one right there! It's a sleek black Stone by Creative Zen. 1 GB of storage is good enough for me, at least for now. Ipods are so damn overrated man

So after that we drove around some more, dropped O at her place and later N and R bhaiya dropped me home. They're both leaving the country soon. N is going away to the States next month with his parents and R bhaiya is going back to Bd in Spring. God I'm soooo gonna miss these days..I can't believe we're really gonna part ways. I mean N went away to Ottawa once and everything but he came back. Besides he was always...like right there. Now he's leaving the country

So yeah..spent a very busy but had one hell of a day!

11:58 PM

[Gemini]

Sunday
September 30, 2007
9:18 Pm


1. Eating freezies in front of our highschool's 7/11 with buddies (the other was busy takin this snap) It has become a classic example of that summer of ours. (Note my friend has the uniform on but not me..I wore mine next to never )


2. I'm actually the well behaved one (Taken two days ago and I just noticed..am wearing the same jacket!)


3. Coktails at a pal's birthday


4. Smoking sheesha/hookkah It's a pretty old pic...I had short short hair And I seriously look like a ganjakhor, but take my word for it!!


5. JD

[Gemini]

Monkey business continued....

6. I once modelled (a few yrs ago) for a friend's photography portfolio. She wanted a Gothic theme so we just went for it with, ofcourse limited supplies and such. We turned her bedroom into our "studio: and the curtain we used as a backdrop kept falling and we had to pause and tape it up again and again! But we had SUCH A BLAST!!!
I also did the makeup on another friend but that's me here



7. Cutting class and hangin out in Greektown


8. Cutting class and indulging on Starbuck's strawberry and cream frappuccino. S&C frappuccino was all I lived on that summer

[Gemini]

Monday
October 1st, 2007
6:49 PM

My day:

1 Shokal ta shuru holo ammur bokaboki kheye. Pura deen ta borbaad korar jonno shat shokale ghumer moddhe eita khawar chaite ar kichur dorkar hoy nah.

2 First period missed. 3 or 2 days in a row? Am screwed

3 Rastay name kheyal korlam am wearing the most uncomfortable shoes known to humanity.

4 Mp3 ran out of charge on the way (gaan chhara je cholte paro na, shey bujhba ei koshto)

5 2nd period-e boshe boshe last week er assignment shesh korlam. At least I got rid off that! Jani nah ki result dhoray dibe Er moddhe phone baja shuru korlo. What an embarassment...thank god volume onek kom chilo. Off kore dite baddho holam.

6 Goto shoptaher Law test er result pelam. Stupid me. Aro baray likhar dorkar chilo. Comment given "short but really good rationale!!". Why did I think am writing too much and stopped? Aro 4 ta line likhle to perfect petam But it's better than that gadha (why am I calling my pal a gadha?) who thought he's gonna flunk so didn't even bother going to the 2nd part. Then it turns out he got 85% on the first part but unfortunately he did flunk for not completing the other part. Kisu bolar nai oke....

7 Bashar kacha kachi eshe hotath mone porlo 2:45 Pm er appointment ta miss korechhi. Tokhon baje 3:30 PM. What a bummer Abar kalke dourao.....Mohila free thakle hoy. I so needed to talk to her...damn!!

But there was one good thing That phone call was from someone. Someone I haven't been in touch with for a while. I thought we both....sorta went on our own ways. When I got online...he was here and told me he called to see how I am doing. I was wondering the same thing since yesterday. Hehe, funny. It was pleasant to hear from him after all these months. I thought he has adjusted well in a foreign land and submerged himself in his work and a new lifestyle. And forgot. That's what I've done as well (not on a totally foreign land ofcourse). We both are doing great. But I guess we're still at the back of each other's mind...
But...maybe it's a little too late. I honestly don't know. And I suppose neither does he.

Anyways. Am tired. I should probably go eat something, share the iftari with mom but I'm just not in the mood.

[Addabaj]

Allah Malik

Sesh porjonto din ta valoy valoy sesh hoyeche ta hole. Aro annoying koto kichui to hote parto. Sandel chire jete parto, coffee pore jete parto jamay, class'er soob chaite opochonder meye'te dowre eshe hug kore bolte parto "Hiiiii Sweety.....". Hehehe .. amar hoy majhe majhe. Tokhon mone hoy undergrounded hoye jai

Hay, thanks. this is the first time I'm commenting on your blog, and I have to say - I enjoyed

[shmegel]

aw, api, love your pics!! ur so cute. wow they're called freezies in canada? we call em 'ice blocks' how boring eh?

and yeh, I actually feel kinda awkward listening to bengali music infront of my parents as well, and even more so when I try to sing in bangla but thats coz they smirk mischievously at one another wen i do!! i feel yer akwardness gurl